Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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