apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize