Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
