wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
