Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
