i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
