Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
