Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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