im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
