is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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