Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
