she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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