My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
