In the future we'll all be gay
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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