That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
