Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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