We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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