That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
