I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
