I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
