We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
