a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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