rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
