I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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