He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
