I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
