She is in my trunk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there's paper in my vomit.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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