I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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