I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
