never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
