If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
