The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
