Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
