The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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