Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
