Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
