I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
