I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
