We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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