I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
