Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
