So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
