I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i've created a new STD.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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