smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
