I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
