And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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