just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
