we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
