Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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