ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
