Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
