she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
