At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
