Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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