bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
this is an emotional support booty call
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