ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
