His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
