That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
