You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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