Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
