I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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