We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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