I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
