i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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