After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
